wanna go halves on a baby?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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