Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
