so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
