Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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