I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
where are my eyebrows?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
