She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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