i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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