Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
