You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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