Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
