I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
