Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
