and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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