You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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