I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found your dick twin last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
