Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
