the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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