Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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