:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
