took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
