Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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