he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
