Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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