morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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