WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
