fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
