Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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