The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
