Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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