It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
