I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
