OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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