I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
