Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
