Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
