I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
