No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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