Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
