Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
