Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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