Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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