i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you would pick up someone in the library
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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