eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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