I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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