i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
