I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
