I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
