tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
