you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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