if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
