do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
