And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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