I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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