are you still at the devil's house?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
