so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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