i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize