We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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