i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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