i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize