pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
