So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
