Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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