I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
