I look better un-naked...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
