So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
