peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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