3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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