Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
