they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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